It's Been A Little While...Chapter 34

First and foremost, hi! I hope you've all been well. For some of us life has been life'ing at 100mph and left us gripping the handle bars and bracing for impact. What I've learned, or continue to learn is just because things are out of our control, it doesn't always have to mean "bracing for impact" metaphorically or in real life, for something to come crashing down.

Life has been life'ing for me but in a good way, a beautiful way. In a way that I can tell it's been God or the universe (because I truly believe in both) orchestrating and talking to me directly. So many life changes and level ups that can only be a direct effect of the prayers I've prayed and the energy and words I've been putting out into the universe. Which has all been equally a wonderment and an intimidating thing to see happening.

In about a 9 month span I have, been fighting off a depressive state, almost lost my family, lost myself, found myself again, gone through couples therapy, got engaged, proceeded with our move back to the US, found out I was going to be an aunty for the first time, planned an entire wedding in just under 4 months, got married and now here I am celebrating my 34th-birthday.

After the year I've had, I'm happy to be able to sit here in reflection and understand that none of what I overcame was in vain. I understand fully the trigger(s) of my depressive state and work hard, every single day to recognize the moments that do and do not make me feel the greatest and actively concentrate on the moments that DO.

After almost 9 years together my now husband (;P) and I are recognizably on the firmest foundation we've been on since becoming parents and adjusting to new norms. The shift from childless couple to new parents is huge and I don't feel like we talk about that dynamic enough. The continuous struggles of parenting through the different stages makes it that much harder to fully understand because of the constant adjustments that trick you into thinking you've finally got a grip on things, when you don't. I meeeean... it only took us 6 years to recognize that, but the point is we got it now, or are in a good space figuring it all out and the direction we'd like to take moving forward.

Damn. I feel like every time I come here to give a little life update we end up delving deeper than I initially wanted and the vulnerability is screaming! It's not entirely a bad thing, I just hope the message reaches who it needs to reach. If it's you girl, there is a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you've just gotta keep going believing that it's there and with the intention to get to it. Always with intention.

All that to say, 34 feels calm and peaceful. All the choices I've made to get to this space are based on intentional and informed decisions. And I'm proud. And grateful. And happy. Fuuuuck! I'm happy. I am at peace in my mind, and with myself on a soul level.

Last year was heavy.

But here, where I am, where we are, I owe a lot of that to my Milan. 'Cause yes, I've had to do the inner work, the sitting with self and all, but he has gone above and beyond to create the space and environment for all of those things to unravel, and for the pieces to be put back together again. He walked with me through figuring it all out. Selflessly, patiently and full of love. So if ever there was a question of his love and commitment to me, I know that answer now.

Our story is a beautiful one, and one that I hope to share with you all on this platform in the coming weeks. Bare with me, I'm also figthing a silent battle of not wanting to overshare. That's another thing that's kind of shown up out of nowhere... the strong feeling of wanting to preserve our privacy and protecting my family, however, I see the value in being transparent as a young family that have their own struggles. To pull the sheets back on the perception of anyone having the perfect life, or that anyone is exempt from struggles no matter how trivial they may seem. We're all human beings, trying to raise small human beings while wanting to be better. Or at least that's the vibe over here.

So thank you all for the birthday love and wishes, what beautiful energy to be showered with. I hope you feel it back when you come to my little corner on the internet. In the meantime, we are over on instagram. Until next time...

-Kondja

Dress: Old (similar here)

Earrings: Old (similar here , similar here, similar here)